Yoga Hosers – USA, 2016

‘Do your ‘wurst…’

Yoga Hosers is a 2016 American comedy horror feature film written and directed by Kevin Smith. The movie stars Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith, Johnny Depp and Adam Brody.

It is a follow-up to Kevin Smith’s Tusk and the second entry in the director’s ‘True North trilogy’. The third entry planned entry, Moose Jaws, seems unlikely to materialise given the overwhelmingly negative reaction to Yoga Hosers and its embarrassingly dismal box office takings. Cinemasochists may appreciate its awful jokes, however. At the time of writing it is streaming on Netflix USA.

Plot:

Two fifteen-year-old female store clerks and yoga enthusiasts (Lily-Rose Depp, Harley Quinn Smith) join forces with a legendary man-hunter (Johnny Depp) to battle Bratzis, fascist bratwurst sausage monsters…

Reviews:

” ...Yoga Hosers feels like a half-baked script (which may not be far from the truth). And while the two young leads certainly have a personable quality that may serve them well if they choose to pursue acting in the years to come, they aren’t there yet, and their work here feel flat.” Ain’t It Cool News

“Yoga Hosers isn’t really a movie. It’s a quarter-to-1:00 a.m. SNL sketch, nightmarishly distended into oblivion. It’s a corny Canuck joke, told for 88 surreally unfunny minutes. It has a target demographic of one: He wears hockey jerseys and, again, loves his daughter.” A.A. Dowd, AV Film

“Even fans who’ve stuck with Smith for two decades may draw the line at this outing, which offers ingredients just as inexplicable as those in Tusk (it’s a sort of spinoff of that film) without the captivating weirdness that sometimes brought that midnighter to life.” John DeFore, The Hollywood Reporter

“Yoga Hosers is more like Smith’s first John Waters movie—made for a more underground audience than a mainstream one. The director himself likens it to Clueless meets Gremlins, which may reflect his sources of inspiration, but it doesn’t come close to those films in its level of humour or entertainment.” Anthony Kaufman, Screen Daily

” …an imbecilic, strenuously wacky helping of see-what-sticks juvenilia…” Justin Chang, Variety

“What makes Smith a dynamic podcaster — his shambolic, off-the-cuff storytelling — is his undoing as a filmmaker. Forget about coherency. That’s something you throw out the window when the log-line is “sarcastic teens fighting Nazi bratwursts.” The film’s own internal logic, created by Smith, collapses on itself..” Sam Fragoso, The Wrap

Choice dialogue:

“Haters have to hate; douches have to douche.”

“He’s not talking about killing real people — just critics.”

Cast and characters:

• Lily-Rose Depp … Colleen Collette
• Harley Quinn Smith … Colleen McKenzie
• Adam Brody … Ichabod
• Harley Morenstein … Toilet Paper Man
• Ashley Greene … ‘Peg Mom
• Jack Depp … ‘Peg Son
• Austin Butler … Hunter Calloway
• Tyler Posey … Gordon Greenleaf
• Jennifer Schwalbach Smith … Ms. McKenzie (as Jennifer Schwalbach)
• Justin Long … Yogi Bayer
• Tony Hale … Bob Collette
• Natasha Lyonne … Tabitha
• Genesis Rodriguez … Ms. Wicklund
• Vanessa Paradis … Ms. Maurice
• Haley Joel Osment … Adrien Arcand
• Ralph Garman … Andronicus Arcane
• Sasheer Zamata … Principal Invincible
• Johnny Depp … Guy Lapointe
• Kevin Conroy … Canadian Bat, Man!
• Kevin Smith … The Bratzis
• Stan Lee … Dispatcher
• Jason Mewes … Rogue Cop
• Charles Sauveur Bonan … (as Charles Bonan)
• David Greathouse … Goalie Golem (as David ‘House’ Greathouse)
• Robert Kurtzman … Puppeteer

Technical details:

88 minutes | 2.35: 1

Box office:

Yoga Hosers took just $38,784 theatrically on an estimated budget of $5 million.

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